“
There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”-Leonard Cohen
After facing something difficult, I’ll often ask clients what they have learned from the experience. In keeping with “walking the walk,” I am sharing what insights I have gathered from 2020 because like for most, this year has brought quite the set of unique challenges.
People all over the world have lost loved ones to Covid-19, as well as to suicide and drug overdoses, with lockdowns correlating with an increase in both. Others have experienced job losses (and the destabilizing fear and despair that accompanies financial insecurity), while others have experienced horrible emotional and physical effects from isolation. I could go on about the multitude of ways the virus has affected people everywhere, but you get it. Either this has been your reality or if you are paying the slightest bit of attention, you know 2020 has been a devastating year for many.
The pandemic has not touched me personally in the specific ways I just mentioned. The reality is, 2020 brought some wonderful things for me. While I acknowledge I may be tempting fate (there are still a couple hours left in 2020), I do know I have been incredibly fortunate this year. Still, there were parts that truly sucked (Yes, sucked is a clinical term.) In the past, I would have judged myself for having a difficult time while others are facing much harsher realities. Upon the slightest sign of frustration, I would have thought, “What is WRONG with me? I’m so selfish! People around the world are dying.” While it’s good to incorporate perspective, this kind of self-berating was never helpful. Loosening the grip of self-judgement has helped with true self-reflection. Here is what I have found this year:
1. An Understanding of the Importance of Quality Time with Friends and Family
Pre-pandemic, I think I took for granted the ability to see the people who live close to me. As much as a I value my alone time, there is a different kind of fuel I get from being around the people I love. I’m grateful for the technology that allows us to communicate these days, but it is not a replacement for the real thing.
This stage of life is busy, and so it requires a bit more foresight in planning. While scheduling is admittedly not something that comes naturally to me, I know if I want to be able to spend time with friends and family, it’s something I need to work on. When this is all over, I’m going to have a giant dance party with my friends. (kids included!) I know they’ll be in.
2. An Understanding of the Healing Quality of Nature
Okay, I’ve always known I’ve liked nature. I like to take walks, go on the occasional hike, enjoy the beach, and witness beautiful sunsets. I also know I generally feel better on the days I spend time outside, but I’ve never known quite how effective it is in improving my mental health.
If you remember, the weather was complete crap the first month or so of lock-down. I checked my weather app multiple times a day, hoping to see the little yellow sun on my screen, or at the very least, the absence of rain or raw temperatures. If I saw the sun was supposed to make an appearance, I’d excitedly text people, “It’s supposed to be sunny tomorrow!” (Hey, these were, among other things, some mind- numbingly boring times, okay? This was exciting news.)
And when that sunny day arrived, my daughter and I would go the local park and walk up, down, and all around the paths. We’d sit by the water and throw rocks. When the tiny flowers started to poke their way out of the ground, we’d excitedly stop to gaze at every single one.
The days we could get outside were considerably better than the days we were stuck inside. After a couple of months, I went back to the office on a more regular schedule, but I didn’t forget how nurturing nature was for me. I found a quiet little spot by the Connective River, and I now gravitate there a lot of the time I have a free moment, especially if I’m feeling overwhelmed. After twenty minutes by the water, I usually feel much more restored by the time I leave. This is not to say, of course, all problems have vanished after my time by the river, but I do find I am far more equipped to deal with them.
2020 has gifted me with the realization that nature is incredibly restorative and healing for me. It is something I can turn to in difficult times, as well as a companion to help keep me grounded on a regular basis.
3. The Importance of Meditation
Ever since I experienced my first significant bout with anxiety, people have been suggesting meditation to me. For years, I periodically “tried” it and hated it. My thoughts seemed to only get louder when I sat quietly. And this exercise appeared pointless as it seemed to only be making me feel worse. I came to actually resent when people encouraged me to meditate.
Then, a few years ago out of seemingly nowhere, I gave it another try. And it stuck this time! I am so incredibly grateful for this because when the chaos of 2020 hit, I had a consistent place to turn to and find a little bit of peace. Inward. Like my time in nature, it didn’t magically “fix” everything, but it did offer me a sanctuary to help ground me. I also noticed on mornings when I woke up and meditated, I was able to move through the day with a greater degree of resilience. Because of this, I started to incorporate meditation daily, (okay fine, I’ve missed a day here and there) and plan to continue through 2021 and beyond.
My intention is NOT to look at 2020 with a Pollyanna/ “Make lemonade out of lemons” perspective. It has been filled with a tremendous amount of upheaval, uncertainty, pain, grief, and despair. And the pandemic is not over. Yet, darkness has always been, and will continue to be, a part of life. Pain, or at least discomfort is actually part of the recipe for true growth. Pain can also coexist with joy and peace.
2020 has been a year of evolvement. Even if you can’t see it just yet, I’m guessing most of you have transformed a great deal this year.
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